| Visit OutWithCancer LGBT / GLBT cancer survivor dating and social network The day went on with regular two hour interruptions of one sort or another. The hospital is no place to rest. I assure you. I finally got the nerve to pull up my hospital gown and look down at myself. I did not recognize anything from my tits down. Who in gay hell is that? And what bitch gave my genitals that Adolph Hitler hair cut? Any ways, I was groggy but awake when I heard the rustling of many pairs of feet. Bruce had slipped out by this time. I swear I could smell them before I focused on the intrusion. It was Daryl, Daryl, and his other brother Daryl coming to check on Bubba in the next bed. They had to have been born in the front yard under a white trash Pontiac Trans Am up on blocks. I could over hear them trying to wake Bubba, their fourth brother but to no avail. I then heard one of them say, “Hell, Bubba is not going to wake up. lets go get a drink and check back later” OH Great!! Bruce has pissed off Ma Barker and now the Grease Brothers are going to suffocate me in the middle of the night!! I called Bruce and told him to get over here and get all the gay flower arrangements out of this room, so as not to upset this band of rednecks. Hoping to lay there and pretend to sleep without being noticed. Bruce came back soon, and was polite to Ma Barker who had arrived by this time. He was kind enough to show them the little kitchenette area where they could find light snacks and half can sodas, compliments of the hospital. We quietly giggled through the percocet high about my predicament and Bruce left for the evening with flowers in tow. Little did I know what lay ahead for the rest of the night. The whole redneck clan showed up, kids and all. I was gayly afraid to complain about so many people being in the room at one time. I just tried to hold the curtain between us and take more drugs. At one point there were at least six adults and two children. They were running back and forth to that kitchenette area procuring party snacks for the whole gang. That bitch nurse Linda never showed up either. The hateful bitch! I’m sure she would have relished my demise by my neighboring roomies diesel mechanic family. The last thing I overheard before drugging myself to sleep was by one of the Daryl’s who said “ I guess I better go pick up the kids” YOU MEAN THERE ARE MORE?? I could only imagine the orphanage from David Copperfields novel, and a room full of disgusting dripping little yard children. Each morning, the good doctor checked in on me just before daylight. He was pleasant and appreciated. It was the third morning, I was told I could go home. Up and packed still connected to that I.V. pole. That was the longest two hours of my life it seemed. I finally hit the nurse call button, and politely ask if I could go home now? Some things work easier than others. Or they were ready to get rid of me. In ten minutes two older ex-car hop type ladies were wheeling me to the main entrance. And there was Bruce to carry me home to nest. Gary had the house and sick bed arranged like a royal apartment. I had little to do but lay there connected to that catheter bag and eat hydrocodene, and percocet for the next two weeks. I think if I had to live the rest of my life with that catheter, I would surely find a way to discontinue life. What a miserable time. We have a new rule at our house that I am not allowed to Day Trade Stocks under the direct influence of pain altering drugs. I think I had a good time though?? Lots of visitors at home during that two week span. The day of catheter removal arrived. To get the damn thing out a day early we had to drive to the South office very near North Dallas. Please? anything, just get it out of me. At this point it seemed I could order chops at Petty’s food store completely nude. I was just over being awkward about my body, and besides there were probably only two people in the county that had not seen my naked ass in bright light. This polite little nurse came in and placed me in the stirrups for removal. I mentally prepared for relief, but something happened!! She got it caught half way in, or half way out. I was near tears when she ran out of the cubicle to retrieve the good doctor. In professional haste he skated into the exam room and carefully twisted first one way, then one last yank. I was free. I was not pissing on myself. A very good sign. Just out of precaution I climbed in the diaper. Only a little stress incontinence remained, but for the most part it looked like I would not have to learn to piss again. Another blessing. You have not lived until you have bought Depends and feminine napkins at age forty-seven as a gay man for your self!! Do I buy tampons? Or winged pads that in no way will adhere to men's boxer briefs. I dare not cough or laugh without clenching for fear of erratic no feeling leakage. One of my early outings when strength began to return was to Expo Square for the car show. Bruce and I walking through checking out cars and men. I noticed the pad had slipped to my knee and was about to exit my pants leg. I struggled to retrieve it only to look around to see Bruce had left me behind about twenty paces. He was out of there!! Just another giggle for the story line. I pay little attention while purchasing EL’ Grande’ Maxi Pads now. The process left me thankful for Bruce. I wondered what invalid gay people do that have not shared their lives with another spirit? How helpless I was for that first three weeks. Gary coming by to change bedding when Bruce was at work. All the calls and well wishes made for pleasant recovery. This is much harder than I thought it would be. Lots of hot soak baths [BBWBB’S] we called them Big Black Woman Bubble Baths!!! Lots of soft clothes later, I’m back at work with a whole new out look on life. Me thinks that hunt and gather time is less important than simply being alive. The erection issue is yet to be approached, but my body is still in healing mode. I have no doubt that too will be resolved. At least the good doctor assures me it will. Till the world falls apart again. I will continue to re adapt to my new physical being.         |